Witchcraft Claims to Cures Computer Glitches

Stan Ward

Stan Ward

January 15, 2016

When I saw this intriguing headline, I knew I had to write on the bewitching, beguiling subject. I hope you will likewise be compelled to keep reading. So much of this space is dedicated to sophisticated technology, the thought that there could possibly be room for the supernatural is especially interest-provoking. You decide whether to remove the tongue from your cheek… or if she should.

witchcaft 1’’No problem is too big or too weird”, chirps the Wiccan from California (figures!). With this as a caveat we can explore the world of Joey Talley who has added computer virus exorcism to the list of things she claims to cure. That she can be an ordained minister is either a comment on the state of California, or on the world today.

As you might expect, her exorcism of machines has little to do with electronics, or even electricity. So how does she do it? No there are no frog warts or cat guts in the process, but she will burn sage and place stones atop the computer while, directing powerful thoughts toward the problem in an operation that can take from one to four hours! The process may provoke laughter or doubt, but not among the legion of Silicon Valley tech professionals who rely on her. Read on to learn  she silences her critics…

Every story must have a beginning. The story of witchcraft gaining an audience is, as you might expect, quite intriguing. It so happens that an existing client of Talley’s, with whom she had cast some business spells, had a problem with his burglar alarm. She came on the scene after the installation company had no success, focused her energy on the problem, and divined that there was a ’’block’’ in the wall. Supposedly her energy loosened the blockage, and the alarm began to function properly!

The energy that is the key to solving computer problems comes, Talley claims, from a variety of stones. Though she often uses chloride and amethyst, she treats each malfunction differently, and applies a variety of ’’cures’’ to fix them,

’’Sometimes I do a magic spell or tape a magic charm onto the computer somewhere. Sometimes I have a potion for the worker to spray on the chair before they sit down to work. Jet is a stone I use a lot to protect computers.

Viruses get a different treatment. In the past, Talley has chanted in a circle, and implored the powers of earth, air, fire and water, as well that of Mercury, god of communication and messaging, to intervene to fix the issue at hand. Her body is used as a vessel to harness the energy needed to discover where the virus is.. The procedure is completed by a “vanishing ceremony,” utilizing a bowl of water and a magnet to draw the water out. Finally, after dousing the computer with sage smoke, the aforementioned water is flushed down the toilet. Which is what I’d like to do to this article right now, but let’s soldier on, shall we?

Needless to say, potential clients approach her as individuals – not corporations – because they don’t want to be labeled as a loony, or otherwise unbalanced, by thier firm. Talley understands the need for discretion, but admonishes those who refuse to believe in her powers, saying that it all makes perfect sense. After all,

“Computers are a vast store of electromagnetic energy, as well as messages. Sometimes when a demon is in a computer system, it’s just like a roach in a kitchen. It just eats and stays out of the way. But some demons are working for someone’s who’s trying to hurt you, and those are the really hard ones.”

Who’s going to argue with that? Not me. How about you?

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